Through Struggle

When I first heard about the fact that we were going to move to Mexico and live there for a number of years, I thought my life was over. I could not understand why we were going to do this; I was angry at my parents, at GOD, and at the world. Everything that I had known, everyone I knew, everything was going to change. I did not see how this could be a good thing, all I saw and felt was hurt, pain, and anger. My attitude was not very good at all over the months before we left. I was blinded by the pain and sorrow that I could not see anything good. It would make me feel worse every time someone from church or somewhere told how this was a great opportunity and that God had big plans for me. I hated when people told me that. When I went places I would act like everything was just great and that I was super excited to leave. I guess most people thought I was happy to go. But deep inside were the feelings that I kept hidden from the world, and only a very few good friends knew how I really felt. But there were a few times when my true feelings would come forth. Mostly these times happened when I was alone in my room or writing music. I find that music helps me to pour out my feelings and is a good way to express myself.

Please keep me in your prayers, I desperately need it. Even though we have been here for about 10 months I still have feelings of hate, pain, and sorrow. I know God has a plan for me and knows what is best, but I tend to forget that a lot. I don't see the big picture most of the time, but I do tend to see the pain and suffering. Please pray that God would open my eyes to see the big picture and not just the little things.

I have come a long way since we left in August and have changed a lot also. I feel in some ways that I am a completely different person; hopefully you all will remember me when I visit.
Just so all of you know, I did not come up with the title all by myself. I stole it from a song title, well, borrowed it. You can look up the song if you want to but I do not think most of will like it because it's pretty hard stuff. But I love that song and I thought the title was good for a blog title. There is one line in the song that I love which says, "Only THROUGH STRUGGLE have I found rest." To me this means that even through all the struggle and pain, there will be rest in the end. I feel that I am still going through the struggle, but eventually I know things will get better and rest will be possible. But for know, I must get through the storms and through this struggle. GOD help me get through this pain and suffering, GOD help me because I can not do it on my own...I am nothing on my own. Oh that this storm would pass quickly and I would make it out of the darkness into the light. Please, I implore you all to pray that GOD would give me strength and I would see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Remember to tell all your friends about my blog.
Also pray for my parents and all the missionaries here, GOD is working.